


you must like me for me

by idontreallylikebutterflies (Laulerelelere)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Parents, Found Family, Friendship, M/M, Modern AU, Touch-Starved Essek, Wizard Yearning, forgiveness and redemption, mentioned Beau/Jester/Yasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23399344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laulerelelere/pseuds/idontreallylikebutterflies
Summary: Essek doesn't mind stealing the Beacon, or the consequences of doing so, but the faces of The Mighty Nein as they stare at him like he has disappointed them—that's more than he can deal with. Especially when his relationship with Caleb suffers from it.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 12
Kudos: 179





	you must like me for me

**Author's Note:**

> Modern AU! There are still different races, and there is still some amount of magic left, although no one could ever be as powerful as anyone in a D&D party. Also, the Beacon is more of a Thelyss family heirloom than an object with a lot of cultural importance, mostly because it has not been studied enough to know about its power. Enjoy!

The Mighty Nein share a flat, small and cluttered. Essek doesn't know what the sleeping configurations are. Every time Caleb and him have needed to be alone to study, Caleb has guided him to a different room. There are only four rooms for seven people, and it seems like their stuff is spread around the whole apartment. It's messy, and Essek is pretty sure there are only six beds in there, but it feels more like a home than his house does. 

The apartment technically belongs to his mother, but The Mighty Nein pay rent whenever they remember and have the cash, in the most irregular way possible. His mother doesn’t mind, doesn’t realize that most months they don’t even pay. Essek is the one tasked with collecting the money, and he never demands it unless they offer first. He should feel worse about betraying his mother, but she has never been the type to care about anything, and that actually extends to the fact that she refuses to help The Mighty Nein fix anything, which leaves the responsibility to—

"Essek," Jester's voice starts on his cell phone. "Essek we need your help! The shower is doing something weird? Like the water is brown and it's kinda fucked up—" 

The call cuts off, because Jester's phone doesn't work properly, and Essek sighs. He gets up, looks for a bottle of wine—not so he can drown his sorrows in it, but because The Mighty Nein always use their house misfortunes as an excuse to invite him to dinner, and assuming that he will be forced to stay is not being presumptuous as much as it is being smart—and leaves.

***

There is a brown liquid seeping through the bottom of the door when Essek arrives. It's starting to get the doormat wet. 

He closes his eyes and counts to ten before knocking, but opens his eyes to find Caduceus at the doorstep, Essek’s hand still hovering near the door. 

"I thought I heard you," he says. Essek is a fairly quiet person, and it would make him more nervous if he hadn't met Caduceus before. "Come in, come in."

He enters to find Beau armed with a mop, hitting Fjord, who is holding a broom, but is not doing anything with it. There are screams—Jester's—coming from the bathroom, and Essek decides to ignore the situation unfolding before him and rush there.

"Essek!" Jester exclaims, absolutely delighted to see him. "Did you know our bathroom has a hidden cabinet?" 

She's kneeling down on top of the disgusting-looking water, staring at the admittedly strange-looking cabinet in the corner of the room. Caleb is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, holding a wet and disgruntled Frumpkin. Water is pouring out of the sink's tap, unhindered by anything. 

"Is the tap not working?" Essek asks, rushing there, his floating spell the only thing stopping his feet from getting wet. 

"What?" Jester asks, unfocused. "Oh, no, it's working." 

Essek closes the tap, and water stops rushing down. He wants to ask why it was being kept open, why the plug was stopping it from going down the drain, but he knows he won't get a satisfying answer, if any. 

"Have any of you called a plumber?" He asks. He doesn't wait for an answer before getting his phone out of his pocket. He knows they haven't.

"I used the last of my battery to call you," Jester says. "And then my phone did a weird thing, like it turned off and then it turned back on but when I tried to use it it turned off again? I don't—"

She is interrupted by Beauregard screaming, "The water is reaching our rooms! We need towels," the door slamming open. The sound alarms Frumpkin again, who jumps towards Essek, who—

Who throws his phone on the puddle of water. 

There's a stunned silence, and Essek uses it to count to ten again. 

***

Despite everything, he stays for dinner. They abandon the dining room, instead sitting on the living room. Caleb is on the armchair, still trying to calm down Frumpkin, now sleepy on his arms. Everyone else is sitting either on the single couch they own or on the floor, legs crossed, not looking nearly exhausted enough for the amount of time they had spent cleaning up the mess. 

"What are you going to do about your phone?" Yasha asks him, quiet, while the other half of the table maintains a conversation about sailors.

Essek's eyes drift towards his phone inside a container filled with rice, a method that Jester swears by. Essek allowed her to try, even though—

"I have already resigned myself to buying a new one." 

Yasha lets out a soft laugh. "Maybe the rice will work."

"Maybe," he answers, non-comitically. 

"I'm very sorry about Frumpkin," Caleb suddenly says. Essek jumps a little, having been under the assumption that he had been conversing with Beau. "He can get a little, ah, skittish, around water." 

Essek is used to people who would immediately offer to buy him a new one, but Caleb doesn't. Maybe guessing that Essek would reject the offer—he would—or maybe because they don't have enough money coming in this month, which happens often.

Still, it's easy to forgive Caleb, especially when his hand reaches towards Essek's arm and squeezes for a second. "And thank you for your help cleaning the floor. That's not a part of your responsibilities." 

"I was avoiding having to deal with water damage in the future, really," Essek lies, because the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "And it's okay. I wouldn't get mad at you, or at Frumpkin, over something so small." 

"That's good," Caleb nods, all serious for such a light topic. "Wouldn't want you to stop coming over."

The lack of a pronoun feels deliberate, and Essek's heart jumps, just once. He could be talking about the group as a whole, maybe. He doesn’t really believe that—even though they haven't known each other for a long time, their relationship feels intense, important. Essek knows he should at least acknowledge the flirting—or the blatant lack thereof, more like. "Wouldn't want to stop coming." 

***

Essek has to admit that Jester was right: his phone turns on. The water has damaged the screen beyond repair, colorful lines showing up on random places, but he can see enough to save everything he will need to transfer to his new phone. 

He tries to text Jester about it, but he doesn’t get an answer. Two days later he goes by their home, but finds it empty, every single light turned off. Another one of their travels, then.

Essek knows that it’s useless to contact them when they travel, so he doesn’t try. Instead, he spends his days doing research, almost not leaving his home, the way he has always done. It feels different now, emptier, the days unending. He knows why that is, but he doesn’t stop to analyze it further—it’s fine. He can deal with the loneliness. 

***

"Do you wanna play a drinking game?" Beau asks. They have been back for twelve hours, and the first thing they did was inviting him over. They were expecting him, but she's not wearing pants. "We're playing the strip version of floornopoly but if you're uncomfortable you can stay dressed and just like, let us slap you or something. We always find different penalties for Jester 'cause she doesn't drink." 

Fjord is completely dressed, but he seems to be losing his balance even though he's standing still. Drunk. "We assure you it will be fun. There are usually little to no injuries, if that worries you."

It didn't, but it should have. Essek ponders for a second, but then he realizes his options are either going home alone and working until he's so tired he can't stay awake, or drinking with his—his friends. Making a fool of himself, too, but these people won’t judge him for that. 

"What are the rules?"

***

There are no rules, which shouldn't surprise him, because this is a game created by The Mighty Nein. Or, maybe, there are so many rules that they become absolutely worthless. It seems to be an extremely complicated version of boardless monopoly, in which the furniture acts as the different streets and railroads. He drinks when they tell him to drink, climbs—they insist that he takes his shoes off to make sure he's not cheating by floating—on the furniture that everyone else is climbing on and gets punched by Beauregard once, while Jester holds on to him for dear life on top of a chair and Fjord screams, "I'm the boot! You have to listen to the boot!"

Two rounds later, Caleb has his hand extended like the cat who got the cream while Beauregard tries to stomp on his three hotels—and those are still represented by the tiny pieces, so it must feel like stepping on a Lego—and, eventually, pays him. She yells, "I'm out of money!"

They get down from the furniture, and run to the floor. "Jar, jar, jar!" A few of them chant. Essek looks at Caduceus, who wasn't playing but had been watching over them for a while. Caduceus is looking back, points at his friends and mouths, "Be careful." 

Essek should start getting paid for being afraid of losing his dignity around The Mighty Nein. He would make a fortune, really.

***

"We can cheat if you'd prefer it," Caleb whispers, standing too close for comfort. At least he’s still completely dressed. "I wouldn't be opposed to it."

"To which part?"

"Hm?"

"Which part wouldn't you be opposed to?" Essek asks, his voice barely audible. "Kissing me as a challenge issued by the jar, or cheating out of doing so?" 

Essek can hear Caleb's throat as he swallows. "Either."

"That rather seems like a lot of pressure to put on my part doesn't it?"

"Three minutes!" Beauregard's voice screams from outside, the door of the closet receiving a loud hit. 

Four minutes left, then. 

Caleb is about to open his mouth, probably to argue, and Essek doesn’t want to hear it. “It’s okay if you don’t want to kiss me. What was your idea for cheating?”

***

“This is not a kiss,” Beauregard complains while looking at the decidedly fake picture they took of them standing really close together, the proof that they had completed the challenge.

"I think it's a kiss," Veth argues. 

Caleb and Essek both stay in silence, though Caleb is definitely looking at Beauregard with an arched eyebrow, a challenge. The Mighty Nein have two ways of maintaining conversation: in complete silence and yelling at the top of their lungs. There's no in between. Essek is barely able to follow the conversations that they do have aloud, so he gives up on following a silent one.

After a moment, Beauregard groans loudly, giving up, and they all move back to their places, when Veth says, "I ran out of money, too." 

There is a moment of stunned silence, and then they start chanting again, and there's a series of pointing accusations that Essek didn’t understand before and doesn’t understand now. Beauregard and Yasha eventually groan, and, much like Caleb and Essek did earlier, they both reach for the jar and grab a piece of paper together. Beauregard reads it aloud, starting to get red.

"Is seven minutes in heaven the only thing written in those papers?" Fjord asks Jester in a whisper.

She makes the more or less hand gesture, while reaching over to lock Yasha and Beau in the closet. 

***

"I feel slightly bad for them," Essek lies as he crosses the door, Caleb following him outside. "That they actually kissed and we didn't. It seems to have complicated their relationship even more." 

"We could—ah. Fulfill the challenge, if it would ease your mind."

Essek does a double take, looks into Caleb's eyes to make sure he's serious. He seems to be, and Essek—he activates his floating spell, because Caleb is a few inches taller than him without it. 

They lean towards each other at the same time. Essek's eyes are closed, but his senses get immediately overwhelmed by the light touch of Caleb's fingers running through his hair towards the nape of his neck, the noise of a soft breath leaving Caleb's body before their lips meet. 

They kiss. It's soft, barely there. The unstoppable noise of The Mighty Nein on the other side of the barely open door should be able to dispel all traces of romance, but it doesn't, and their lips brush again.

"Caleb! Fuck, get your fucking cat down from the fucking cabinet!" Beauregard's voice screams.

Caleb swears, barely a mumble, identifiable only by the way he's frowning, and not by sound. "I should check on that."

"And I should go back home," Essek says. His fingers are still on Caleb's hip, and he presses lightly before letting go. "Good night."

"Good night," Caleb says. Essek barely hears over the sound of his own loud footsteps, too unfocused to deal with keeping up a spell he has been able to cast since he was ten. 

***

His mother's functions are the worst. He is expected to be there, for starters, and to act like he cares at all about the people his mother associates herself with, or about his mother herself. He doesn't mind coming to this one, he has plans for this one, but making small talk and smiling politely is nonetheless shortening his lifespan.

"Do you know where your little group is?" His mother asks when the evening has barely started, a hand gripping his arm and a nice, if fake, smile on her face. 

"The Mighty Nein?" Essek asks, incredulous, because she could not be referring to anyone else, but it's still hard to believe. "I assume they are back at their place, mother."

"No, I asked them to come. They apparently have done some favors to a few of our friends, these past few months. I sent them an invitation."

"And you expected them to be on time?" Essek asks, now even more incredulous. 

"I cannot believe you did not make sure they arrived on time. Why do you always insist on wasting your time and talents with them if you—”

Essek pushes his arm away from his mother's hands. “I didn’t know they were coming, mother. Maybe the next time you wish for me to do you a favor you will actually communicate what is expected of me.” 

He’s not raising his voice. He’s being careful of acting cold and detached, to—

“Stop lashing out because you made a mistake, Essek,” his mother hisses. “I understand you’re young, but there’s no reason to act like a child.” 

Essek frowns at the reminder of his age, and at everything else about this situation, really. “Understood, mother.” 

He shouldn’t have fought her. She’s going to keep an eye on him, now, and he will not be able to go through with his plan until later. That is just—

His thoughts are interrupted by Jester’s hand, frantically waving at him. They have some sense of decorum, at least, because they don’t scream his name. He offers them a polite smile, and he can already see his mother rushing over to welcome them—or maybe to scold them. One never knows with her.

***

“Hey, Essek,” Beauregard whispers. “We are betting on whether or not Veth will be able to steal that old man’s watch. Wanna join?” 

Essek follows her gaze. “That’s my uncle.” 

“Is it an uncle that you, like, care about?”

There’s no one in his family that he cares about. “Not especially. Do continue, please. though I’m afraid I have to excuse myself for a minute, and won’t be able to bet.” Essek pauses, for just a second. “His cufflinks are very expensive.”

Beauregard offers him what can only be described as a wolfish grin. “Good to know.”

***   
  


Stealing the Beacon is ridiculously easy. He is not supposed to know about the security measures surrounding it, but he does. He is not supposed to be able to perform the magic that allows it to leave its stand, but he can. He takes it out of the house, hands it to the person the Assembly had sent to pick it up, then leaves. The whole ordeal barely takes ten minutes, and he comes back to find Veth pocketing a shiny object.

When he gets back, he acts as though he had just gone to the bathroom, and sticks near The Mighty Nein for the rest of the evening. Caleb looks at him from time to time, and Essek always looks back. There’s a tension, one he desperately wants to talk about, but they can do that later. 

He waits until his mother is in the middle of her speech, and surrounded by the protection of The Mighty Nein, casts a spell to activate the alarm. He gets some satisfaction from watching his mother’s face go pale, if he is being completely honest. He hadn’t thought about that consequence, but it is one he enjoys.

He’s so busy he barely realizes Caduceus giving him a look.

***

They spend hours in the ballroom. Everyone gets searched at least three times, his mother is snapping at anyone who will dare get anywhere near her. Essek himself tries once, offers his help before being quickly—rudely—dismissed.

His mother fires almost all of their staff—most people in security, almost everyone in housekeeping and kitchen—on the spot. It’s the closest Essek has seen her to losing her nerves in public. 

"I’m sorry for her,” Essek says to The Mighty Nein as he sees their staff being registered for a fifth time. “I hope you didn’t have other plans, after this.”

“We didn’t, don’t worry,” Fjord assures him. “Do you think we should offer our help?”

Essek fakes considering it for a second. “I don’t think she would appreciate it. From anyone outside the family she’ll probably take it as an offense.” And also, The Mighty Nein are way too smart and know him too well to do anything but figure him out in a second.

***

They leave together, hours after. His mother hasn’t found anything of use, and she won’t. Essek walks with The Mighty Nein. They are relatively silent, which he assumes is caused by the fact that the sun is almost coming up by now. His house is in a different direction, and he should return so he can receive any updates of what they are finding out about the Beacon. He knows this. He still reaches the door of The Mighty Nein’s house, already getting prepared to reject an offer to stay over instead of walking home. 

“Good night, Essek,” Beauregard says, once everyone has gone in. She doesn’t even invite him in, which is not surprising coming from Beauregard, but it is surprising that no one else does. The door closes, and none of them say even a word to Essek. He stays around for a few minutes, and soon enough he starts hearing hushed voices, then screams and what sounds suspiciously like his name.

Ah.

***

It’s not surprising when they all show up in his doorstep two days after, without warning. They’re usually more careful about warning Essek, but he understands why they don’t, this time.

“Can—may we come in?” Fjord asks. It seems so official. 

Essek leads them to the living room. 

“We want to know your side of the story,” Beauregard says the moment they’re all sitting down, straight to the point. Essek appreciates it, if he’s being quite honest. They all know why they’re here.

So Essek tells them. About having a magical artifact in his house that was sitting there, its potential unfulfilled. About not being allowed to study it. About to whom he gave it—he doesn’t look at Caleb while he says it—about the hunger for magical knowledge, still sitting there, simmering. About the fact that his mother deserves it, really, and he’s sure the service can deal. 

They don’t seem completely convinced, by the time he’s done, but they seem convinced enough.

“We’re not gonna call the cops on you, dude,” Beauregard says. “But maybe you should, like, think about what you did a little bit.”

There’s a moment where Essek is afraid that they’re all gonna leave forever, and it’s terrifying. He knew he was doing something questionable while he did it, and he didn’t care, but the mere thought of The Mighty Nein being mad at him makes him want to lock himself on his room and never come out. 

They decide to stay for lunch, though, and Essek realizes that maybe it isn’t all messed up. Or at least, it can still be fixed. 

“I’ll be right back,” Essek says, fully aware of the fact that they are going to sneak around his home and try to discover all his secrets. “I’m just going to prepare something quick for dinner.”

“I’ll help you,” Caleb says. They start walking towards the kitchen, and Essek can see almost every person left on the couches giving him a warning look.

*** 

Essek starts getting ingredients out, and the silence is deafening. He sighs. “Should you start, or shall I?”

"I don't think we’re ready to be in a relationship," Caleb says. Essek barely hears him, over the sound of his heart smashing against the floor. "I'm—I really like you, but I'm not there yet." It sounds rehearsed. Unnatural. His accent even sounds less prominent than usual, like he had practiced it enough to perfect the pronunciation. "I don't think you are, either." 

"What?” Essek’s mouth is not letting out any sounds, his thoughts starting and ending too fast to get anything useful out of there. He knew this was what Caleb was going to say, from the moment he didn’t say good night the other day, from the moment he didn’t look at him the whole time he was talking.

"You—You stole an important object from your house. You let your mother fire half your staff because of it, and you didn't seem to care. You have been nothing but lovely to me and my family, but—"

"You're telling me you've never done something wrong in your entire life," Essek says, flat. It’s the kind of childish he hates. He doesn't let feelings filter through, his throat closing down, words pouring out instead of tears. 

Caleb chuckles, bitter. "I have, but at least I feel guilty about it. I feel sorry. I am actively trying to solve it. You could have come forward on what you did, you could have helped your staff look for another job, you could have paid them the money your mother denied them. But you didn't care. You talk about what you did like it was necessary, instead of a choice you made." 

"You are being unfair." It's not a real defense, because he has none. What he's saying is true, but he hadn't considered it. It's—

"Am I?" Caleb asks. His hand brushes over Essek’s arm. “I’m not saying you’re beyond repair. I’m not saying we’re beyond repair. I just—I think you need time to realize your actions have consequences.”

Essek closes his eyes. He has never cared about anyone the way he cares about this group of people, about Caleb in particular. He doesn’t know how to deal with any of this. He goes back to preparing the ingredients, his contact with Caleb’s hand stopping. “If that’s what you wish.”

***

The next time something is wrong with their flat, Essek tells them to pay for someone to fix their window and then send him the invoice. He stays home.

***

Turns out Essek can't deal with the thought of disappointing The Mighty Nein.

"Come over," Jester's voice says on the phone. “Or, like, don’t come over. Meet up with me! I'll go to your place. We're friends, right, Essek?"

He thinks of the face Jester would make if he said they're not, and decides it isn't worth it. "Come over whenever you want to." 

She shows up three minutes later, surprisingly alone. The Mighty Nein are not above lying to him when they think it’s for his own good. She rings the bell, and Essek knows her finger is going to stay pressed against the button until he gets outside, so he rushes. When he opens the door, she is smiling sunnily. “You’re ready?”

Essek is dressed, he always gets dressed to work even when he stays home. He closes the door behind him. “Where do you want to go?”

“Oh, I was thinking we’d just go to our usual bar.”

Essek has been to their usual bar. It’s loud, and there is a fight happening more often than not, and the alcohol is cheap. It fits the Mighty Nein like a glove, but—

"You don't drink, right?"

"No? You know I usually just drink milk—”

"Wouldn't you prefer to go to a café, then?"

Jester stays silent for a second, like the thought hadn’t occurred to her. 

***

“This place is so fancy, Essek,” Jester whispers, still loud enough to be heard by the people on the table next to theirs. “It suits you.”

It doesn’t suit her. Essek doesn’t even mean it as an insult, but this is a place painted in neutral colours and where one’s expected to maintain all their conversations in a whisper. 

Still, her face lights up when she sees the amount of pastries on the menu, and Essek doesn’t regret bringing her here. They ask for their food and beverages, and Essek expects her to immediately start talking, but she doesn’t. She brings out her little notebook, openly enough that Essek doesn’t feel bad looking at the pages. The silence is starting to feel oppressive with all the things left unsaid, even though he has nothing to say, and doesn’t think Jester does, either. 

"Oh, why did you draw that?" Essek asks, desperate for a topic of conversation, pointing at a drawing of an octopus with whiskers.

"Oh, that one was for Caleb! It's Frumpkin.”

"It's an octopus."

"Well, it has a cat face, so it's still Caleb's Cat," she reasons. It goes to show how much time he spends with The Mighty Nein that the idea make sense. “Which reminds me! We’re gonna be out of town for a few days. It should be pretty quick, but I didn’t want you to think we were abandoning you.”

“I wouldn’t have,” Essek says. It’s mostly true. “Where are you traveling to this time?”

Jester hits her hand against her glass, and hot chocolate spreads on the white tablecloth. She tries to make it look accidental, but Essek knows she did it on purpose. It only gets confirmed when they get the mess under control, and she starts talking non-stop, barely letting him get a word in, but not mentioning the trip again.

He thinks about it all the way back. 

***

The realization comes two days later, when he’s staying awake in the middle of the night, even though he’s exhausted. He remembers Caleb saying, “I am actively trying to solve it.” He’s getting up before he knows what he’s doing, because The Mighty Nein are capable of letting a reasonable plan get out of control and then as a consequence of trying to fight the Assembly all on their own. He doesn’t know if he’s doing it because he’s afraid for them, or because he’s afraid for himself in the delicate situation that he’s in. He only knows that it’s the middle of the night and he’s travelling to Rexxentrum to find The Mighty Nein, as quick as he can. 

***

"What are you doing?" Essek hisses, his hand touching Caleb’s arm. He doesn’t know where The Mighty Nein are, though if he had to bet he’d say they’re currently inside Ikithon’s house, risking their lives, because that man can easily kill them.

Caleb jumps, surprised. He’s sitting on the floor, hidden, and Essek guesses he was ritual-casting something. The fact that he’s outside is good, it means he’s safe. It’s the only thing from the current situation that isn’t making Essek panic.

“Wait a minute,” Caleb says, and when Essek tries to talk again, he adds, “And twelve seconds.”

Essek waits patiently, because interrupting whatever he is casting is dangerous, more so than waiting for a minute. “The others are inside?” He asks, once he knows Caleb has finished casting.

“Most of us, yes, they were making sure things were as we expected. Nott and Beau were making sure there was no one outside that can see us, and we’re going to meet up inside soon.” Caleb doesn’t ask how he knows they’re there, but he apparently senses that there are also questions that Essek isn’t asking, because he whispers, “We’re not planning on fighting today. We’re just stealing some documents to prove what Ikithon has been doing for years. We’re going to leak them to the press, but it won’t be traced back to us if we follow the plan.”

He explains it like it’s the simplest thing in the universe. Essek chuckles, skeptical. “When has one of your plans worked?” Caleb frowns, but Essek doesn’t let him speak. “You cannot go inside. If everyone else gets caught, they will probably be fine, or at least eventually safe, but you won’t.”

He’s not saying the reasons why he holds that belief, but Caleb understands. Essek feels a small thrill, at knowing someone without explanations, but he will analyze it later. “So what? We stay outside while our friends risk their safety?”

“I can go in your stead.”

“No.”

“Listen to me for just a second—”

Caleb grabs Essek’s wrist. “That’s not how we do things. If you’re worried, you come with us, and we fight together. That’s the only option I’m giving you.”

Essek lets out a breath, shaky. Worried. Anxious. “I guess that will do.”

***

“Is he here to betray us?” Beauregard asks the moment she sees him.

“No,” Caleb mutters, with firmness.

“I’m here to help,” Essek says, and there’s a moment where they all look at each other, and Jester and Caduceus share a smile, and then they start working. 

***

It’s the first time one of The Mighty Nein’s plans has worked without a hitch. Essek would count his presence as a pretty big hitch, but The Mighty Nein aren’t, and when they are far away enough from Ikithon’s house, the documents in Jester’s bag, they pull him in for a big group hug, and he doesn’t say anything for the next five minutes. 

The first thing they do when arrive back home is dragging him to a fair, a festival of some sort. They don’t even let him go to his house, don’t let him get away from them for more than a minute. 

"Dude, can you help me win this thing?" Beauregard asks, in front of some sort of stand, one of those where you play a game and win prizes.

"I don't think this is my area of expertise—"

"No, I meant, like, can you help me by making the ball float inside the box?"

That, Essek can do. He concentrates, and Beauregard acts as if she were throwing the ball, and Essek tries to act surprised when it goes inside the box. It’s the kind of teamwork that The Mighty Nein like best: a little dishonest, and a lot of fun.

“Caleb told us that you tried to get him to stay outside,” Beauregard says, as she picks up a plushie of a pink flower. Cute. “You’re all smitten, aren’t you?”

“Is that stuffed toy for Jester or for Yasha?” Essek asks, ignoring her words, as casual as he can.

Beauregard looks at him, sharp. “You’re an asshole.” She sounds appreciative. “I found out that you looked for jobs for everyone your mother laid off, and offered to help them financially if they needed it.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Essek lies.

“You do,” she says. She’s gloating, and she has a reason to, because Essek only managed to do it once they were out of town. How she has managed to find out when they have been back for two hours, Essek doesn’t know. “I’m going to tell everyone, you know.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t already.”

“Just giving you a fair warning, man.” Beauregard slaps his back, way too much strength behind the blow, but it still feels friendly.

***

“Essek, come over. Come over, come over, come over, come over, come over,” Jester says, repeats it until her phone turns off. Essek was expecting the call, because the article about Ikithon is coming out today, and they wanted to be together. Essek doesn’t bother trying to call Jester back, and instead just walks to their home.

He finds the door open, and he wants to think it was on his behalf, but knows they probably just forgot to close it. He locks when he comes in, to find Caleb looking amused at The Mighty Nein while they have what looks like a food fight. 

“They tried to have a baking competition,” Caleb explains, unprompted. “Caduceus is out and they decided to bake cupcakes. They completely destroyed the kitchen.”

“That won’t be pretty,” Essek observes. 

“It won’t,” Caleb agrees. “Want to get out of the line of fire?”

Essek has been waiting for Caleb to talk to him alone since they returned from Rexxentrum. He’s so excited as he follows Caleb inside a room, almost shaking with it. He closes the door behind him, and watches as Caleb turns on the light. The pink stuffed toy is on one of the beds, and that’s all he sees before Caleb is putting his hands on his waist to draw him closer, and kiss him.

Essek has never believed himself to be touch-starved, but maybe he was. Maybe the way Caleb's hand makes him shake as it brushes over his clothed side should make him reconsider. 

The Mighty Nein are casual about touching, and that's something Essek has gotten used to, but it's not the same, a brush of fingers or a punch on his shoulder than the steady presence of Caleb's hand on the back of his neck. They're kissing, but Essek barely registers it as his hands make contact with the warm expanse of Caleb's shoulders.

He stops the kisses so he can rest his head against Caleb's neck, so he can hide himself for a little while, overwhelmed. Caleb's hands are still traveling his body, and a press of fingers against his forearms shouldn't feel so nice, but it does. 

Essek softly kisses Caleb's neck, once, twice, and feels Caleb swallow underneath his lips. It's good, not necessarily in a sexual way. Being close to a person you're just allowing yourself to admit you’re head over heels in love with just feels… good. Good enough that Essek kisses his way back to Caleb's lips, and then promises himself to stay there for as long as it takes for them to get sick of it. 

"What are we going to do now?" Caleb asks a while later, their faces still pressed together. It could mean an infinity of things, he could be asking about their relationship, or about their individual futures, or about what they are having for dinner. Whatever it is, Essek only has an answer that he can give, that he can accept.

"I don't know." And he presses their lips together again. 

**Author's Note:**

> "this is unrealistic because a rich person learns about morality" was the quote i kept repeating in my head while i tried to finish this fic  
> if you want to see me suffer about writing i'm @/LardoDuan on twitter  
> this fic only exists because i'm too shy to just join a discord and i have way too many feelings about essek.  
> leave kudos/comment if you liked it!


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